A Thanksgiving Pause

From “Have To” to “Get To”

Thanksgiving can bring a crowded calendar, or it can be a quiet day that feels too empty.

You may be juggling work, school events, sports, church activities, volunteering, caregiving, and family plans. You may be wondering how to afford a gathering or fit another visit into the day. Or you may be missing someone, living far from loved ones, or wishing there were more invitations.

Sometimes, both experiences exist together: plenty to do, yet little sense of connection.

Wherever this season finds you, gratitude does not require a cheerful mood. It can begin with acknowledging what is difficult, noticing what you value, and choosing one manageable next step.

Make room for the whole picture

“I’m grateful, and this is hard.”

Both parts deserve space. You can love your family and feel overwhelmed by their needs. You can appreciate your independence and wish someone would call. You can look forward to Thanksgiving while grieving who will be missing.

There is no need to force a silver lining. Gratitude might mean noticing a kind exchange, a familiar song, or a meaningful memory. If nothing comes to mind today, leave the question open. This is an invitation, not another holiday expectation.

When “have to” can become “get to”

Sometimes we tell others, and remind ourselves, “Today is hard. I understand.” That acknowledgment matters.

When it feels honest, we can also ask whether “I have to” could become “I get to”: “I get to cheer someone on,” “I get to share this meal,” or “I get to show up for someone I love.”

When someone is missing from the holiday, the words may be gentler: “I miss my loved one, and I’m grateful for the memories I still carry.” Gratitude does not erase the ache of their absence; it leaves room to honor the love that remains.

The effort and sadness are still real. This perspective is an invitation, never a reason to dismiss exhaustion, grief, or the need for help.

What reframing can and cannot do

Reframing means considering another realistic interpretation of an experience. Research suggests that viewing short-term stress as a resource may offer modest benefits for performance.[1]

Anxiety and excitement can both feel like being “keyed up.” In experiments involving speaking, singing, and math, reframing anxiety as excitement improved performance.[4] Before a holiday gathering, you might try: “Some of this nervous energy may be excitement about connecting.”

Other research has found benefits in reported emotional responses, though no clear overall improvement in physical stress measures.[2] A workplace study also reported improvements in some self-reported symptoms and work outcomes.[3]

These findings do not establish that gratitude or “get to” language treats loneliness or grief, or that reframing makes holiday stress disappear.

Choose a next step that fits your day

These holiday prompts are practical reflections, not a tested treatment:

• Feeling overcommitted? “I’m grateful to be included, and I can be honest about what I can manage.” Consider a shorter visit, sharing meal preparation, or declining another commitment.
• Worried about money? “I value connection. What fits my budget?” You might suggest a simpler meal or spending time together without exchanging gifts.
• Feeling lonely? “I wish today looked different. Is there one person I’d like to contact?” Consider reaching out to someone you trust. An unanswered message is not a measure of your worth.

Before your next commitment, or during a quiet moment, ask: “What matters to me, what is hard, and what would help?”

If stress or loneliness is persistent, distressing, or interfering with daily life, tell your Bennett Integrative Health care team: “The holidays are bringing up more than I expected. Can we talk about support?”

This article provides general education and does not replace individualized medical advice.

References



1. Bosshard M, Gomez P. Effectiveness of stress arousal reappraisal and stress-is-enhancing mindset interventions on task performance outcomes: a meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Scientific Reports. 2024;14:7923. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-024-58408-w.
2. Liu JJW, Ein N, Gervasio J, Vickers K. The efficacy of stress reappraisal interventions on stress responsivity: A meta-analysis and systematic review of existing evidence. PLOS ONE. 2019;14(2):e0212854. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0212854.
3. Crum AJ, Santoro E, Handley-Miner I, Smith EN, Evans K, Moraveji N, Achor S, Salovey P. Evaluation of the “rethink stress” mindset intervention: A metacognitive approach to changing mindsets. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 2023;152(9):2603–2622. https://doi.org/10.1037/xge0001396.
4. Brooks AW. Get excited: Reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 2014;143(3):1144–1158. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035325.